I’ve gotten more free time since the last entry that I wrote, which although posted less than 24 hours ago, was written at the beginning of the new year. However, I still feel like I have so many things to do and little motivation to do them. Depression is an ugly thing, even more so when it’s clinical depression. It just hits you out of nowhere for no apparent reason and with no regard for the plethora of things in your life that you are already sad about.
I do not want this to be an emotional post though, so I will back off of that subject and save it for my personal blog. I am still dealing with being a bit overwhelmed but in a positive way… so I want to remain positive. I finished my paralegal certificate program with stellar grades that I know my parents would be proud of. Having an education in computer networking and the legal field has been an odd but surprisingly useful path for me already. I am still looking for a day job so that I can take care of some leftover debts from the pandemic and gain some financial independence. However, I am finally putting a real focus on doing things I love in my free time. I have managed to get a bit better at writing regular updates here instead of going an entire year between entries but I’ve always wanted to do so much more than that.
I have had an obsession with technology since I was able to sit up on my own as a baby, I clearly do not remember this but my dad assured me it was a fact. I also love pop culture as a whole which is demonstrated in my about me tab on this site but was also a prevalent part of my now defunct YouTube channel. I still intend to revive it and begin anew, but there is only so much time in a day… and because of that, I have decided to only focus on a few things at a time instead of everything, all at once.
My newest venture is going to be occasional streaming on Twitch. I set up a profile years ago with the intent to be a creator, not just a viewer. Unfortunately, life gets busy and priorities change so I’m only now getting the chance to give streaming a try. Two of my best friends and my older brother have been very patient and supportive regarding my journey of increasing my social media presence and I started to feel a bit guilty about leaving them to wait for all eternity.
Disclaimer: I originally wrote this entry on January 4th of this year. Like, I completely finished it and never got around to posting it because I was so overwhelmed with things. *hides head in shame*
Do you ever feel like there isn’t enough time in a day? or in a month (other than February). I find myself feeling that way a lot lately, and it can be a bit of a bummer sometimes. I’m not getting any younger despite not quite looking my age… so thoughts of never having enough time combined with knowing that tomorrow is not promised… it just weighs heavy some times.
I thought that I would have some free time to write here during my one month break from school and next thing I knew, I was less than a week away from starting back up. I am a borderline perfectionist and not a fan of going back on my word. As a result, when I make plans and suddenly cannot seem to keep them… it kind of depresses me. Such a small thing can seem enormous to anyone who has a similar personality. We tend to be our own worst critics. I have been working with my therapist on this, along with other things like being a people pleaser and not putting myself first.
I know this blog entry is a bit more personal than what I would traditionally post on here. I just wanted to give an accurate update and let my readers know why I have not posted on here. Once I’m finished with my paralegal course in late February, I plan to do a lot more. If time permits I will post or at the very least begin working on an article that has been a LONG time coming.
So, last month September I was super excited to start contributing to my blog again and I still am. I have a few article ideas, and the ambition is still there. Yet, it has been divided as of last week October 17th. I made a decision earlier this year that I wanted to return to school to learn the basics and foundation of becoming a paralegal. It was something I had considered years ago but, I put the idea behind me for several reasons. Among them was the fact that some family members thought it would be more worth my while to become an actual lawyer. The money and time going into law school would consume was and remains, something I was not prepared for. The other reason was also financially related. I had already gotten an Associate Degree in Computer Networking which is what everyone expected. I also went to a for-profit school to obtain that degree; unfortunately putting me into quite a bit of student debt that I am still working to pay off.
Experience, has since shown me that doing what is expected is not always worth it. I still love computers, particularly software, and figuring out fixes to issues. However, I found myself just as passionate about the law. The years of experience working in a corporate legal environment before I moved to Georgia were some of the most informative and fulfilling times in my life. I truly loved the work, even when it was doubled on a moment’s notice with a shorter deadline. The atmosphere and satisfaction that it brought made me a lot happier than various customer service positions I had done previously. I can now proudly say that I’m a student once again.